Enduring Fate Read online

  I had just known that I had to get away from my family and Colton. The sad looks from each of them every time I’d moved or sat down differently than before had broken me. I wanted to be whole again, to feel like a normal person, and I couldn’t do that with my loved ones constantly aiding my every need. I had felt profoundly grateful for their help in my desperate time of need, but now, I needed to learn to take care of myself once again.

  Furthermore, a small piece of me was hopeful that I only needed more time to find my way back to my place on the ranch while another part of me was in denial and thought it was time to give up my dreams of continuing onward as a horse trainer.

  One last tremor shot through my body, running along the path of the horrible scars hiding beneath my pants, reminding me of their existence. I always wore jeans, even in the hot summer months. Growing up, they had been necessary to ride any of the horses on my parents’ ranch, but now, more than ever, the denim was a necessity to me, so I could hide the pink lines on my skin that would forever be on my leg.

  Realizing I’d lost myself in my thoughts, I redirected my attention back to answer Ashlee’s question of what was going on with me. There was no simple explanation to give because I didn’t honestly know, and I needed to find out before I could explain it to someone else.

  “I don’t know,” I finally breathed out just above a whisper. Even I could hear the shakiness in my voice.

  Ashlee closed the space between us and hugged me. As I shifted my weight to my sturdy leg, I threw my arms around her and squeezed tightly, craving the comfort she so willingly offered.

  “Just promise me something, okay?”

  “Anything.” I smiled.

  “Promise me that you’re working on…getting back to you.”

  I was relieved that she could not see the comical expression on my face with my scrunched up brows, but I understood what she was implying. “I promise.”

  THE SUN WAS JUST BEGINNING TO RISE as I awoke to my alarm clock. I needed to start my morning chores before the extreme summer temperatures set in for the day. I briefly glanced out the window to see the orange and purple hues beaming in through the glass before I turned my head and rose from the bed.

  For the past few months, sunrises and sunsets just hadn’t been the same without Paige around. Since our younger years, as soon as our parents had allowed it, Paige would drag me out of bed to watch nearly every sunrise. Then, at night, we would sit in our tree fort and catch the sunset until it fell behind the tree line.

  I shook my head, not wanting to replay the unforgettable memory of her leaving me this past spring with little answers as to why she was going or where that left things between us, but my mind did it anyway.

  “Stay with me, Paige,” I demanded, gently tightening my hands on her hips. “Fight for us. Please don’t give up. I will find a way to help you get through this.”

  Her beautiful brown eyes, the ones I had loved all my life, suddenly filled with tears that spilled over her cheeks, driving an arrow straight through the center of my heart.

  Her look said it all. She was leaving, and I was powerless to stop her.

  Her hands came up to cup the sides of my face, and I could feel her shaking against me.

  “I have to go. This is something I need to do for myself. I have to make amends with my past before I can have a future.” She ran her fingertips across the base of my jaw, her eyes following the path, as if she were memorizing the planes of my face. Then, she reached up on her toes and tenderly kissed me just once before pulling away. “I’ll always love you, Colton. Good-bye,” she murmured the ending, taking backward steps.

  Then, she was gone.

  The only reason I’d had the strength to let Paige pack her bags and leave the next morning was because Ashlee had called and convinced me that some time away might be beneficial for Paige.

  But every time a breeze hit me, I could feel her long silky hair in my face. There were times when I would find myself wanting to have random conversations with her throughout the day, and I’d have to restrain myself from picking up the phone to call her. I could still feel her quiet soft purrs against my chest at night. It made me remember the way she’d felt in my arms, tucking her soft curves against me, as she’d snuggled into me. When I closed my eyes, I could imagine connecting every freckle on her body without missing a single line. Working days were often too slow, and the restless nights were too long without her by my side.

  The only thing that kept me going was believing that I’d end up where I belonged.

  I let out a frustrated sigh and ran my hands down my face. Fuck, I miss my girl.

  I stalked over to my dresser and threw on the first pair of blue jeans I could find. I then strolled in the direction of my closet and grabbed an old white-and-gray plaid cutoff shirt along with my black-and-white bandana.

  I came up short as my eyes caught a glimpse of the tattoo I had gotten along my left forearm after Paige left.

  THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

  I could barely breathe as a hollow deep ache constricted my chest while my eyes traveled over the ink, one word at a time. Remembering the meaning behind it intensified my raw need for her. I could only hope this part of my life without Paige, who had been my best friend since I was five years old, would indeed pass and be over soon.

  I continued out into the main living area of the house, went to the back door, and grabbed my favorite cowboy hat off the coatrack. Then, I slipped my bandana into my back left pocket and put on the brown leather cowboy boots I always wore for work before heading out toward the barn.

  I quickly rounded up Foster, my six-year-old saddlebred horse, whom I was putting most of my time into at the moment, and I led him into an open front stall, so I could groom and saddle him. Once finished, I attached a long lead rope and came to stand in front of Foster.

  “You ready to work, bud?” I asked him, petting his neck and giving him a friendly pat.

  Foster rotated his head toward me while raising it, and he let out a frisky snort right in my face. I laughed at his playfulness.

  “Does that mean you plan to cooperate this morning? Or are you going to misbehave just so you can spend some extra time with me?” I teased in my Southern drawl.

  Foster innocently stood there and sniffed my face. His whiskers tickled my skin.

  I lifted my hand to scratch his favorite spot under his chin. “I’m going to take that as you are going to try to behave today.”

  After spending a few more minutes giving Foster some quality time, I steered him toward the round pen where I did the basic lunging with all the horses. I had him stand in the preliminary position, and then I directed him to walk clockwise. My right hand pointed in the direction where I intended for him to walk while my left hand tapped the end of the rope against my same leg. He went into a walk, trot, and then canter several times without hesitation. I was impressed with the progress he’d made over the last several months.

  I switched Foster’s direction and made him go counterclockwise next.

  Another flashback suddenly hit me out of nowhere. It brought me back to when Paige and I were thirteen years old.

  Hidden behind the corner where the fence posts met the side of the barn, I knelt on the ground in my grass-stained jeans next to Paige. She was studying my father’s every move while he lunged our newest colt out in the round pen. I should have been watching, too, so I could learn Dad’s techniques, but I was too mesmerized by the glow in her captivating brown eyes and the way her smile seemed to make time stand still around us.

  The colt bellowed out a loud neigh, sounding as though he wasn’t in the mood to cooperate. My father responded with a low command from a distance, respectfully cuing the horse to do as he’d been previously instructed.

  Paige giggled softly and leaned forward as if trying to get a closer peek between the boards of the fence. Then, she tilted her head over at me. “Someday, I want to be a horse trainer.”

  I could picture Paige doing just that. Sh
e was already a great rider, and she had a natural ability with horses that very few had. Even as gentle as horses could be, the untrained young ones didn’t know any better, and that could put a new trainer at a risk.

  I frowned. “Paige, you might get hurt.”

  “No, I won’t.” She adamantly shook her head. “I’ll be really careful.” She pointed at my dad. “And I have two of the best dads in the world to learn from.”

  I smiled at hearing the love and respect she had for my father.

  “Who’s there?” My dad’s sharp voice cut in from afar. “You kids had better not be distracting my horse!”

  Paige gasped. “Oh no! He heard us!”

  “Hurry!” I jumped to my feet while grabbing her hand. “Run!”

  Hand in hand, we ran behind the brown-and-white barn and barreled straight for the thick tree line. I took the lead, never letting go of Paige. The multicolored leaves of the fall season hit my clothing as we weaved in between the tree trunks, our feet pounding against the dirt path.

  At the break of the trees, we reached the prairie on the other side. The normally bright green grass was now a striking shade of gold mixed with yellow.

  Paige came up to my side, laughing, and the captivating sound stopped me in my tracks. She spun around before facing me, her smile still perfectly in place. Her long brown hair was windblown from running, and a tiny streak of mud was smeared across the bottom of her left cheek, but she was still so beautiful.

  My heart thumped unevenly in my chest. I didn’t know what it was about her, but since I was five years old, she had been my best friend and the only one who could make me feel this way.

  I stepped closer to her and slowly lifted my thumb to her cheek.

  Paige’s laughter suddenly broke off, and her expression searched mine as if she were trying to read me. “Colton, what’s wrong?” she asked.

  I wiped the mud from her cheek. “Nothing’s wrong,” I said while digging deep for courage.

  “Oh,” was all she had time to say before I placed my hands on either side of her face and kissed her.

  After the slightest moment of surprise, her mouth softened, and she kissed me back, the tenderness of her lips moving perfectly with mine.

  It was an innocent kiss back then, but nonetheless, that very kiss had forever changed me—no, that was not entirely true. Paige had changed my fate the day she walked into my life. I was hers, and she was mine. Paige and I had just been too young and innocent to know it yet.

  I set my hand over my heart as I let Foster come to a stop. My chest ached as I remembered the heavenly sweet taste of her. It had been too damn long since I kissed my girl and held her in my arms.

  I had respected Paige’s request and given her time away to sort things out and heal—but no more.

  Foster affectionately nudged me on the shoulder, seeming confused and concerned with my behavior.

  I set my hands on the sides of his ears and gave him a good scratch. “Foster”—leaning forward to show my boy some love, I lightly kissed his nose—“it’s time to bring my girl home.”

  At Starbucks, I held my coffee cup in one hand as I reached with the other to grab a toothpick from the small dish on the counter. Then, I went to find an open seat to wait for Ashlee’s arrival.

  I took a few sips of my medium-roasted drink and then slipped the toothpick into the side of my mouth while I gazed out the window at all the passersby. They all appeared to be going about their normal morning routine as I wondered about how Paige was coping, what she was doing at this very moment, if she was happy, or if she missed home. I fought the urge to go to Paige right now, yearning to see her face and the smile she reserved only for me.

  The door chimed, and I glanced over several heads to see Ashlee walking in, wearing a bright pink hoodie. I rose from my booth to greet her. When she saw me, she let out a smile and began to head my way.

  She paused in front of me, and I opened my arms to embrace her.

  “Good morning,” I said as we parted. I gave her my most chipper smile, knowing damn well she wasn’t an early bird.

  “Morning,” she grunted, maneuvering herself to plop down in the seat across from me. As I sat down, she asked, “So, tell me, what is so urgent that you felt the need to drag me out of bed at the crack of dawn?”

  “Sorry about that.” I smiled apologetically. “I would have met with you later, but I have to be back at ten sharp to meet a gentleman purchasing one of my colts,” I continued with sincerity in my voice.

  I quickly noticed the way Ashlee wasn’t even watching me. She was eyeballing my coffee cup.

  “I wanted to talk to you about sending Paige back.” I shifted in my seat, not sure how this discussion would go. “I think it’s time she came home.”

  Ashlee’s eyes widened momentarily, but she kept silent. Her gaze shifted to my coffee cup again. She reached forward and grabbed it. “I’m going to need some caffeine to stay awake for this conversation.” She took a sip and then asked, “Do you mind?”

  I released a low chuckle and crossed my arms over my chest. “Aren’t you supposed to ask before you steal someone’s drink?”

  She moved her head from side to side in comical deliberation, and it reminded me of why Paige liked her so much. Ashlee was a character.

  “Yeah, but when someone wakes me up early, it kinda offsets my manners for the day.”

  “Right,” I drawled. “It’s fine. I didn’t need a second cup anyway.”

  “Second cup?” she gawked, frivolously rolling her eyes. “Now, I don’t even feel bad for stealing it!”

  “That doesn’t surprise me one bit.” I sat up straight and rested my arms on my thighs beneath the table. “So, back to Paige—”

  “Colton”—Ashlee sighed—“I don’t think she’s ready to come home yet.”

  Thoughtfully, I cocked my head to the side. “What makes you say that?”

  “Well, Paige hasn’t dealt with what happened last fall. She barely eats or smiles or laughs, yet she insists on being fiercely independent.” Ashlee frowned, her eyes almost looking as though she might cry. “Honestly, when she’s not at work, she seems lost, like she doesn’t know who she is anymore.”

  My hands balled up into tight fists on my lap at hearing the way Paige was undoubtedly still suffering. The question is, will she let me help her? It didn’t sound like space was proving to be effective.

  I took deep breaths in and out to keep myself rooted in my seat when I wanted nothing more than to go after Paige right now and take her home where she belonged, but I was pretty sure that wouldn’t settle over well with her.

  “Time’s up, Ashlee,” I stated calmly as she took a sip of my former coffee. “I want Paige home.”

  She gaped at me, nearly spitting out her drink. “When?”

  “Yesterday.”

  “How am I supposed to do that?”

  “I don’t have a clue,” I said, genuinely feeling guilty for the position I was putting her in.

  Since grade school and all the way through high school, even after Ashlee’s parents had moved, Ashlee had been Paige’s closest girlfriend, and Paige was my best friend and so much more. So, together, Ashlee and I had to figure this shit out.

  “Be reasonable, Colton.” She set down the cup and waved her hands in front of herself. “You know Paige is as stubborn and independent as we are.”

  “I don’t care. I want her home where I can take care of her,” I said, meaning every damn word. “Help me make it happen, or I’m coming to get her.”

  Ashlee lifted a contemplative brow and eventually nodded at me. “All right.” She sighed. “Give me a week or so to work things out on my end, and I’ll figure out a way to get Paige home, but it’ll be up to you to keep her there.”

  I unleashed the biggest, most genuine smile for the first time in what felt like forever. “Oh,” I drawled, “I intend to keep my girl. Don’t you worry about that.”

  AFTER A SIX-DAY WORKWEEK, four o’clock struck the clock a
t Lovin’ Sweets. All the booths were vacant, so I walked over to the door and flipped the sign in the window to read Closed.

  “Phew,” I breathed, turning around to face Ashlee.

  She was already beginning to clean up for the night.

  “It sure was nice to have Samantha around this week. She is an amazing multitasker,” I said.

  “She is,” Ashlee agreed. “Too bad she had to head out early today before cleanup time.”

  “No worries. We got this. I was just glad for the extra help this week.” I ambled behind the counter once again to help out.

  The two of us fell into our regular routine of sanitizing every counter and table and then washing every dish on the premises.

  “Me, too.” Ashlee tilted her head over at me from the stainless steel sink while holding a large whisk beneath the running water. “Hey, Paige?”

  I glanced over at her, drying a mixing bowl beside her. “Yeah?”

  “I wanted to talk to you about taking a couple of weeks off of work.”

  “Oh,” I said, completely baffled. “Why would I need to do that?”

  “Well, you’ve been here for a few months now…” She trailed off as if she were contemplating her words. “I think you should take some time off to visit your family.”

  “Oh…” I was unsure how to respond. It wasn’t that I was against it, but I hadn’t really given it much thought.

  Seeing the sadness in the expressions of my family members, looking at me like my injuries had permanently damaged me, was what bothered me the most. Every time they laid eyes on me, they seemed to relive that day last September, and it was part of the reason I was here.

  “Please think about it—for me?” she asked with pleading eyes. “I think it will do you good, and I’m sure your parents—hell, I’m sure everyone misses you and would love to see you even if it’s just for a short visit.”